Although I am generally a great fan of holidays (especially the ones that lead to $5 t-shirts at Target), Valentine’s Day is a bit. . . problematic for me. Despite its origins, it is now largely just an excuse for smug coupled people to be extra smug on the outside while withering away inside, replete with the knowledge that disappointment, great or small, is inevitable. Whose Valentine’s Day lives up to the expectations Hallmark has given us? And I say this is as someone whose Valentine’s Days have included hand-made chocolate truffles and plenty of flowers (though not, alas, diamonds. Yet.) And now that I no longer live anywhere near a Target, this Valentine’s Day won’t even include a new pink t-shirt.
However, I would like to remind everyone of Valentine’s Day’s wonderful mythology. In truth, when St. V. was added to the list of martyrs by Pope Gelasius I, it was as one “whose names are justly reverenced among men, but whose acts are known only to God”–in other words, no one knew why they were martyred, if they actually were martyred. 1000 years later people begin associating St. V with romantic love, and the particularly charming crime of marrying Christian couples during a time when the law explicitly forbade anyone to do so. I LOVE modern marriage, I LOVE IT when two people pledge their adoration and commitment to one another, and I LOVE the myth of St. Valentine. It’s a great little story.
Before 1967, my marriage would not have been legal in most of the Southern U.S. If my husband and I had married where it was legal, then moved to Virginia, we would have been arrested for violating the Racial Integrity Act, which banned interracial marriage. Bizarrely, because we both would be imprisoned for said act, Virginia claimed that the law did not discriminate!
But when just this happened to Mildred and Richard Loving, they sued and successfully argued their case before the Supreme Court, forcing the South to recognize interracial marriages. In America, if you are married in Texas, you’re still married if you move to New York or Hawaii–which makes sense, since America is one country.
The exception to this rule is same-sex marriage. Couples married in New Hampshire and Massachusetts can be suddenly unmarried by stepping across a state border (though not all–New York recognizes same-sex marriages performed in other states, though it is not permitted there yet.) I think it is inevitable that the rest of the country will eventually recognize same-sex marriage, but, in the meantime, I am appalled that states are permitted to refuse to recognize legal marriages from other states. When people lose rights and protections because they’ve crossed a state border (Jim Crow laws, anyone?), it’s a bad thing.
On the 40th anniversary of the Loving v. Virginia decision, Mildred Loving made a public statement. This was a very rare and special event, and, unfortunately, she died just over a year later. Truer words about the nature of love and marriage have never been said: Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don’t think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the “wrong kind of person” for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people’s civil rights.
I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard’s and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That’s what Loving, and loving, are all about.
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